


the rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming colour (are we out of the woods yet?)

by inlovewithimpossibility



Series: cerys' quarantine and chill fics [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Episode: s07e14 Brothers and Sisters, Extended Scene, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Minor panic attacks, Missing Scene, Nightmares, Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive (Arrow TV 2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: Felicity’s just been terrible since she found out she’s pregnant.Every time she’s closed her eyes, all she can see is an enemy of theirs killing them and then her. It’s heart-wrenching and she’s beginning to wonder how on earth she can go on like this.[7x14 extended moment wherein Oliver comforts Felicity from her nightmare]
Relationships: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak
Series: cerys' quarantine and chill fics [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667249
Comments: 45
Kudos: 141
Collections: Quarantine and Chill Fic Drive 2020





	the rest of the world was black and white but we were in screaming colour (are we out of the woods yet?)

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone care about S7 angst anymore? 
> 
> I just remembered this morning how mad I was when this episode aired that we didn't even get a moment of Oliver comforting Felicity after her nightmare and that I'd planned to write a fic. Well, a year later, here you go! 😬(AND it fits the Quarantine and Chill hurt/comfort prompt, yay!) 
> 
> Also yes the title for this is obscenely long (Lexi and Abby, it's 22 words so suck it!) 
> 
> This is for Lexi who deserves love and fics related to her favorite tropes despite her (lovingly) threatening me on twitter all-day ;) 
> 
> WARNING: Felicity has a minor panic attack within this fic, please do NOT read if you think that might be triggering for you.

The sweat drips off her forehead as Felicity tries her hardest to get her breathing back under control.

Waking up to a nightmare is not unusual for her nowadays. It hasn’t been for a long time. In fact, it’s rare to get through a night where neither her or Oliver are plagued by memories of one awful situation or another, or their imaginations dream up something equally as terrible.

Felicity’s just been terrible since she found out she’s pregnant.

Every time she’s closed her eyes, all she can see is an enemy of theirs killing them and then her. It’s heart-wrenching and she’s beginning to wonder how on earth she can go on like this.

“F’liss’ity?”

She resists the urge to sigh at the sound of her husband’s voice. It’s not that she doesn’t appreciate his concern but him being awake next to her in light of her nightmare about their unborn baby just reminds her of the secret still between them.

She’s going to tell him, she will, it’s just that she wants the timing to be right and they’re both still so hurt by the loss of William. It’s just never felt like the right time.

His concern now only reminds her of the bank of white lies she’s been building against him. She ‘ate something bad’ when he found her hunched over the toilet a few mornings ago, her prenatal vitamins are ‘new anxiety medication’, and she jolted when he ran his hand over her stomach the other night because ‘his hands were cold’. Each lie that spills out of her mouth is making it harder for her to admit the truth and she truly doesn’t even know herself why she hasn’t told him yet.

She just… hasn’t.

“It’s… I’m okay… go back to sleep.” She tells him and manages to reach over and pat him on the shoulder in what she hopes is a comforting manner. He flops back onto the pillows but Felicity knows he won’t sleep, not until she settles down herself.

Heaving a sigh, she stands up and pads her way into the kitchen, reaching for a glass and filling it up with water. She knows she shouldn’t gulp it but it feels like all she can do right now. She needs it as badly as she needed air a minute ago.

“Honey?”

It shouldn’t, but Oliver’s concerned voice burns through her like a hot poker and she’s whirling around to look at him with a frown before she’s even aware of what she’s doing.

“Damn it, Oliver! I said go back to sleep!” She snaps, her voice far harsher than she means, and immediately regrets it as Oliver’s face falls.

He quickly schools it but his eyes hold his sadness as he raises his hands in a surrender motion, taking a cautious step towards her.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I just wanted to see if you were alright.” He tells her gently, his concern overriding his reaction to her harsh words, and Felicity feels disappointment at herself rise within her. It mixes with the guilt from her lies and leftover pain from her nightmare to all just become too much.

Before she knows it, tears are spilling down her cheeks, her shoulders are shaking, and Oliver’s concerned frown only deepens.

“Sorry, I…” She tries to explain but the breath needed to speak doesn’t come easily and it results in a sob wracking through her as her knees buckle.

“Hey, whoa, c’mere. It’s alright. Everything’s alright.” Oliver darts forward to catch her before she hits the floor, hauling her into his arms with practiced ease. One arm settles around her waist and the other cradles her head, holding her tightly to his chest.

Felicity sighs, the familiar feelings of safety and warmth flooding her bones. If she could stay here forever, she knows that everything would be okay, just her and Oliver in their little cocoon.

But that’s not reality.

They have a city to look after.

A growing family to keep safe.

“I…” She tries to breathe in once more but it still doesn’t come. Oliver shushes her gently, running his fingers through her hair soothingly.

“Shh, it’s okay. In and out. That’s it, honey, just breathe.” He guides her in the way he has so many times before. Felicity focuses on the softness of his chest against her cheek and the steady beating of his heart in her ear. It’s grounding and finally, she feels her breathing return to normal.

Oliver kisses her hair, seemingly content to just stand there and hold her until she calms. As she comes back to herself more, she snuggles a little closer into the warmth of his embrace and she feels him chuckle.

“Nightmare?” He questions after another long moment, pulling back slightly so that he can tilt her chin up to face him. Felicity takes a few more deep breaths as he wipes her tears away from her face with the tenderest of touches, making her heart clench in affection for him.

“He got there. He had our child, Oliver, and there was nothing I could do.” Felicity finally manages to explain.

She’s deliberately vague. She’s clearly not in the right space to tell him her news right now and to be honest, she’s a little worried he’ll be mad for keeping it from him for so long.

“Hey, okay, it’s okay. William is safe. He’s with his grandparents and Barry’s keeping an eye out for him. Diaz isn’t a worry anymore, sweetheart. I promise you that William’s safe.”

Oliver’s words as so lovely. Gentle, imploring, and accompanied by the most soothing of touches as he attempts to lessen her worry.

But it only makes her feel that much worse.

Felicity so wants to tell him. She’s worried for William and she misses him something crazy but that’s not what has her so worked up. This is their baby, their child. Half him, half her. Their son or daughter; a poor, defenseless baby.

God, have they been absolutely insane? Felicity should have been more careful with checking her new medication. She should have known it would have counteracted her birth control pill. She should’ve known that this might happen.

She wants this child; there’s little she wants more than to build their little family and watch William play with brothers and sisters alike. The thought of that, however warming, has always been a ‘one-day’ thought.

Not now.

Not here.

Not like this.

“I’ll make you some tea,” Oliver says softly when she doesn’t reply but also doesn’t exhibit any other kind of reaction, either positive or negative. Felicity hums as he presses a long kiss to her forehead before stepping away and it’s not until the cold air of the night brushes up her arms that his words register.

“Do we have any decaf?” She questions, her voice broken, shaky, and quiet, but at least there. Oliver frowns from where he’s placing the kettle on the stove and turns to the cupboard.

“We have chamomile.” He answers, turning back to look at her with a hopeful raised eyebrow.

“That’ll work. Thank you.” She gives him her best smile, which is a little pathetic at the moment, but Oliver merely winks at her with an affectionate smile before he turns back to his task.

Felicity leans against the island, taking a deep breath and a sip of her water as she allows the sound of the water boiling in the kettle to fill the silence of the apartment. Oliver doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even look at her, just busies himself with pulling a mug down from the cupboard and placing the teabag inside. Felicity watches as he takes care to wrap the tab around the handle before sighing and looking back to the still boiling kettle on the stove. When it begins to whistle, he’s careful as he pours the water into the mug, stewed it, and adds an exact spoonful of honey.

Her heart aches as she watches him. He’s always so attentive, so gentle with her. They’ve been talking a lot about what they need to work on together, the ways in which they need to learn to support each other more, to communicate better, but Felicity feels bad that she hasn’t told him recently how much of an incredible husband he already is. She’s unsure if it’s anything to do with the baby and new pregnancy hormones, but she feels her eyes tear up again as he hands her the mug.

“Felicity, what’s wrong?” Oliver questions, his voice clearly panicked as he tilts his head to look at her. She shakes her head, attempting to get her emotional reaction under control but failing rather epically.

“I love you.” She finally blurts out once the breath comes to her and Oliver frowns, his hand coming to rest tenderly on her shoulder.

“I love you too.” He replies as simple as day, as if the words are as easy to him as breathing.

“No, I… I’ve… we’ve…” She stumbles once more, trying and failing to find the words to express how she’s feeling. All her thoughts are so muddled in her head and she doesn’t know how to get any of them out.

Until Oliver’s hand smooths its way over her arm, grounding her and bringing her back into the room.

“Breathe, honey, it’s okay.” He tells her so gently that she feels she could sob all over again.

Instead, all her words flood out of her at once.

“No, it’s not! Don’t get me wrong, we needed to address some of your actions but I’ve spent the last months just telling you how you need to change but you’re already such an incredible husband and I…”

She pauses for a breath, having said everything so quickly that there wasn’t the time, and chances a look at Oliver to see an amused smirk playing on her lips. The dichotomy of his expression to how she’s feeling startles her and she falls silent once more, frowning as her eyes meet his.

“Felicity, I know you love me and that you appreciate me. You may not have said the words but you’ve shown me it.” He tells her, his smirk softening to a smile as he continues to gently stroke her arm.

“I have?” Felicity questions, her frown deepening and she feels her lips puff out in a slight pout as she looks up at Oliver through her eyelashes. His lips quirk and she swears she hears a slight chuckle as he brushes his thumb over her lips before reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Of course you have. You’ve stayed by my side and supported me through so much in this past year, far more than I should’ve ever asked of you.” He tells her, guilt crossing his face as he reaches the end of his sentence, sighing heavily. Felicity frowns, reaching up to grasp his hand in hers and squeezing it.

“I did it gladly. I’m your wife, I love you, and I want to support you as best I can.” She reassures him, pressing a kiss to their entwined hands. She’s not going to pretend like the last months haven’t been some of the hardest she’s lived but, apart from Oliver not telling her his plan, she wouldn’t change her actions.

Her place is by Oliver’s side. The two of them together,

“And that is what makes you the best. Best of wives and best of women.” He tells her sweetly with a wink but Felicity gasps as the reference registers.

“Don’t say that! He dies in the next song!” Felicity insists vehemently, rather pathetically slapping her hand against Oliver’s chest.

Her heart aches all over again at his reference to Hamilton; it was William that had introduced them to it, blasting it so loud until they’d finally given in and questioned what the mix between a rap album and a history lesson was. The teenager had declared them insanely ‘not with it’ but in their defense, vigilantism doesn’t leave much time to keep up with media you’re not already invested in.

Oliver’s eyes soften as he obviously makes the connection too, wrapping his arms loosely around her waist to draw her into his embrace. His eyes grow more serious as he stares down at her and Felicity frowns, staying silent as she waits for him to speak.

“I will always fight as hard as I can to make my way back to you and our family and I won’t let anyone hurt you or our child.”

Oliver’s words are thick and sincere, hosting none of the light of his previous ones. He’s deadly serious but Felicity still sighs as she realizes that he’s misinterpreted her fears for ones she’s expressed to him previously.

“Oliver… that’s not what has me worried.” She tells him gently, placing her mug aside so that she can rub her hands over his chest.

“It’s not? But I thought…” He trails off, frowning down at her. Felicity finds her best reassuring smile, which isn’t much right now, but it seems to tide Oliver over as she takes a deep breath to collect her thoughts.

“I know you will try your hardest to come back to me, I don’t think you’re as open to dying as you perhaps were a few years ago.” She starts and Oliver freezes for a moment, a blush coloring his cheeks. The memory of how he looked after being tortured by Chase is something that she knows will be burned on her mind forever, and his willingness to just give it all up had broken her heart more than any lie or secret. “But I also know that there are forces outside of your control. Things you can’t beat, people that will tear us all apart if it’s the last thing they do. It’s not _you_ I’m worried about, it’s everyone else.”

“Felicity…” Her husband frowns, obviously trying to search for the right words to say, but an elaboration spills out of Felicity before she can even really think about it.

“It feels like someone else is dictating our lives, Oliver, and I hate it. They’re _our_ lives, we should get to say how they go.” Her voice is vehement and stronger than it’s been since the nightmare woke her up. She hates feeling so out of her control, they’ve worked so hard to get to where they were and it suddenly feels like someone has taken over the chessboard.

“I…”

“How can you be okay with that?” She questions with a crack to her voice, the thought of him just accepting it making the panic rise in her all over again.

Oliver frowns, taking a deep breath, and Felicity stares intensely as he clearly searches for the words before looking down at her calmly.

“I’m not okay with it, but I believe I have some say in my life, Felicity. I can’t control what happens but I can control my reaction and how I deal with it. That has bearing on the outcome of it at least.” He explains and the rationality of his words makes her freeze.

“I forget you’re all zen now.” She finally mumbles out after a moment and she sees Oliver’s eyes light up. He’s often said that he knows she’s feeling better when she begins to joke as she usually does. Felicity’s not sure how true that is in this situation but the sight of his smile makes her feel a little lighter.

“You know what’s important to me? You and our family.” Oliver tells her plainly and the ambiguity of his words makes her heart clench. She knows that he has no idea of the new addition to their family growing inside her at this very minute but the vagueness of his words has Felicity melting at the thought of it nonetheless.

“But even that’s out of our control now.” She can’t help but point out as her thoughts return to their teenage son, now so far away and not answering their calls.

“You were the one who encouraged me to let him make his own decisions.” Oliver reminds her with a soft sigh and Felicity frowns, her heart hammering in her chest once more.

“Because it was the right thing to do but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him.” She implores, making Oliver freeze before his face melts.

“I miss him too.”

The following silence passes between them like a heavyweight. Felicity feels the guilt return at her secrets building but reminds herself that four in the morning in the middle of their kitchen apartment after Oliver’s just had to calm her after a nightmare isn’t the time. Her heart continues to ache for William, thinking of him settling into another new environment with a lack of familiar faces.

She hopes they hear that he’s alright from him soon.

“I don’t think either of us are getting any more sleep. How about we watch some Doctor Who?” Oliver suggests softly, rubbing his hand over her back as he raises an eyebrow.

“Not Doctor Who!” Felicity quickly rejects, thinking of the show that she introduced William to last year. One of the only times she got him to smile in witness protection was watching that show and it feels wrong to watch it without him now. “But TV would be good.”

Her voice is calmer, feeling back for so quickly rejecting Oliver’s offer which was so sweetly thought of.

“Yeah?” He questions, looking at her with such an adorably hopeful expression that her heart clenches as if there’s a vice around it.

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“You don’t ever have to thank me.” He whispers to her like a promise, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead before he steps away to find a few more blankets.

Years later, when he’s gone, Felicity holds Mia close to her on the couch, tea that never quite tastes as good as when he made it on the coffee table, and she tells her daughter of her father. She spares no detail of how he could always make her feel better, even when he didn’t know the full root of the problem, and she tells her precious miracle of his never-ending love for them all, no matter how far away he may be.


End file.
